Now this is easy don’t you think? 4.) Open letter to a celebrity. I’m actually going to change it up a little and write some very short messages to a number of celebrities that only merit a text message, not a full-on letter. Dear David Hasslehoff: Roasts won’t help. Tangos won’t help. Spandex pants REALLY [...]

47 years ago today, a great man said great things. Here they are and thank you Dr. King. *** “I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation. Five score years ago, a great American, in whose [...]

Dear Dr. Frank Ryan, You are probably reading this blog from the afterlife which means there is Wifi in the afterlife. That is excellent news as it means there are also blogs in the afterlife. Who needs an afterlife if you can’t read Go Fug Yourself there? But you, sir, are in the afterlife for [...]

I just heard that Brett Favre could earn as much as $20,000,000 to play football this season. Twenty. Million. Dollars. To throw a ball. That got me thinking. What would $20,000,000 buy? 100,000 pap smears 10,000,000 school lunches 400 annual salaries for teachers A year’s in-state tuition and fees for 2,000 students at the University [...]

Memorandum From: Mother Resources Department, Mom-hood Inc. To: Dina Lohan Date: August 16, 2010 Re: Job Performance Mrs. Lohan: It has come to our attention that your performance as a Mom has not been reaching expected levels of competence. While we appreciate that you are a single mother of four with an ex-husband who has [...]

This week is kicking my ass so instead of new content, I’m bringing back this gem I wrote for DC Metro Moms back in May. Enjoy! *** Dear Mrs. Obama, I know I’m kind of late welcoming you to town but someone told me that Secret Service wasn’t going to just let me stroll up [...]

Some of you may have followed the saga of me trying to get my hands on a free copy of Sliding Into Home by Kendra Wilkinson with Jon Warech, a real professional writer who I hope got paid a LOT of money to put up with Kendra’s giggle). You can read all the letters I [...]

WELL! It appears that I am replacing Dr. Phil as the go-to source for celebrity advice. Oh yes. It’s true. Exhibit A: Last week I wrote a scathing letter to Kourtney Kardashian in which I informed her in no uncertain terms that her baby daddy is a douche-nozzle and she needs to run away from [...]

Dear Bristol and Levi, Jeez, you poor kids never stood a chance did you? Let’s set aside recent history. The US Magazine cover story that took the place of a personal announcement to your families of your reconciliation. The erupting rumors that Levi was Johnston-ing all over Wasilla. The unresolved issue of custody of your [...]

Dear Kourtney, Girl. Get. The fuck. Away. From Scott. Listen. Lady, I’ve watched your shows for a long time. I’ve watched Scott survive a bunch of near-misses where he appeared to be cheating but had an excuse, when he was an ass but talked his way out of it, when he sucked but you forgave [...]