Dear Hef, Congratulations! You’re getting married! You must be overwhlemed with joy! This is an exciting event in the life of a young ma-. Oh. Right. Not young. But it’s still exciting! Marriage isn’t the province of the young, after all, and even 84 year old men are entitled to new adventures.With 24 year old [...]

As many of you know, Kardashian Konfidential comes out next week and the Pulitzer Committee is probably sharpening its pencils to cast ballots for it as the greatest work of literature of 2010. Or perhaps they just want to correct the spelling of “konfidential”. Hard to say. Whatever the case, I am sending one last [...]

Dear Spencer, You’re fired from being human. Here’s why. This quote, right here: “The divorce was real – just the idea behind it was different than most people’s,” Spencer tells Life & Style. “Divorcing was the only way to keep Heidi’s career going because everyone hated me so much. Look at Sandra Bullock – her [...]

A couple of weeks ago, I sent a letter to the publicity department of the publishing house that producing the upcoming book Kardashian Konfidential. I want this book. A lot. Moreover I want this book for free because I’m sure the list price will be about $27 and I don’t want to part with $27. [...]

Dear Brett, Hi. Hows it going? What’s new? Have you given any thought to the list of things I came up with that you could do with your wildly inflated salary? No? Well, you should think about some of those. Oh. Wait. You may have to pay a divorce attorney soon. Riiiggghhhhttttt. Aw, Brett I [...]

The Kardashian sisters have a book coming out in November. If you are a legitimate writer with, you know, talent, I’ll give you a minute to pull yourself out of the pit of despair you have undoubtedly fallen into. OBVIOUSLY I must get my hands on a copy of this book. Because it contains Kardashian [...]

Dear Tori, I feel like we’ve become close in recent months, what with me reading your books and watching the most recent season of Tori & Dean. In fact, I just read you latest book Uncharted TerriTori over the weekend so I feel really up to date on your goings on. I was going to [...]

Dear Hollywood: Why are you so boring? Listen, Hollywood, you’re killing me. I’m a mom blogger. A working mom blogger, at that. My life is not interesting. Sure, I have my moments when I stagger onto the metro, weighted down by my toddler and a couple of bags only to watch a slutty-looking teen-ager grab [...]

Dear New York Jets: I hope every single one of you got a call from your mother this week where she said that she’s ashamed of you and that she didn’t raise you to act like that. You know what I’m talking about. Ines Sainz, pretty reporter from a Mexican tv station came to stand [...]

Dear Dr. Frank Ryan, You are probably reading this blog from the afterlife which means there is Wifi in the afterlife. That is excellent news as it means there are also blogs in the afterlife. Who needs an afterlife if you can’t read Go Fug Yourself there? But you, sir, are in the afterlife for [...]