I'm a DC-area mother with an over-developed sense of irreverence, ADD, socialist tendencies and a blog. All my opinions are entirely my own and not representative of anything officially sanctioned by any political party, my mother, or arbiters of common sense and good taste.
Dear Ann Romney, Hi. How are you? How was that $500 per plate fundraiser the other night? Tasty? Or rubber chicken at fundraiser prices? Could you have made better chicken at home? Wait, do you cook? OK, that was snide. I’m sorry. You seem like a perfectly lovely person. I bet we’d find plenty to talk about over a plate of brownies and some sparkling water. Women usually do, you know? We have so much…
Dear Newt, So. Newt. This is it, huh? Your last stand. You’re probably not ever going to run for office again so these last weeks of the primary race are your final opportunity to capture this kind of national spotlight. What are you going to do with it? Now, you can count me solidly among your detractors because I have a shitload of serious misgivings about you, starting with that whole adherence to supply-side doctrine…
Dear Mitt, May I call you Willard? I had a good friend in college named Willard and thinking of him might make me like you better. Though I do like you better than the guys you’re running against for the nomination. So, there’s that. Willard, we need to chat. You have a talking problem. You say dumb stuff. Like when you said you like being able to fire people. During a period of record unemployment?…
Dear House of Representatives, In God We Trust? Really? That’s the best you could come up with? Listen, I know things are shitty for you now. Your approval rating among the American people dipped down to 9% recently and I strongly suspect that the 9% who said they approved of you were actually stoned at the time and meant to say they approved of the new Beavis and Butthead cartoon. Your overall productivity, in terms…
This was originally published last year as a “diary” entry on Daily Kos during my short-lived attempt to write there. I like the site but I found the discussion on any posts I wrote too unpleasant to make writing there fun. I stopped doing it and took down all my posts. I resurrected this one here because the news of Sarah Palin’s party bus national bus tour and campaign commercial feature length film release got…
Memorandum To: Donald Trump From: Mom-in-a-Million Re: Your Presidential Aspirations Date: April 26, 2011 It has come to my attention that you are growing increasingly serious in your bloviating about a run for the Presidency in 2012. When you first started discussing this, I was under the impression that you were merely behaving in an attention whore-like manner to garner increased viewership for your television show but it appears now that you are actually…
Dear Anne Hathaway, I think we could be really good friends if you would stop trying to be Gracie Allen to James Franco’s deeply stoned George Burns. Please insist on better writing next time you host something so I can like you again. *** Dear James Franco: Put down the bong. *** Dear Helena Bohnam Carter: Did you lose a bet in the 90′s and now have to dress like that at all red carpet…
Dear Billy Ray, Or is it just Billy? Just Ray? Oh, gawd. I’ll just call you Mr. C because it reminds me of Happy Days and I get to sound like the Fonz and you get to sound like a model dad. Even though I don’t think lovely Mr. Cunningham would ever have had to give an interveiw to GQ talking about regretting nearly every choice he made as a parent for the entire second…
Dear Any Woman Who is Considering Sleeping With Charlie Sheen: Back. Away. From. The. Deeply. Troubled. Celebrity. Listen, for all you porn stars, hookers, wanna be porn stars, wanna be hookers, and anyone who is hoping to get a foothold in Hollywood by nailing an established star with his own sitcom, Charlie Sheen is not a good choice. Yes, yes, I know that in his most recent romp, he paid a girl $30,000 for sex…
Dear Mrs. Obama, Have you let your husband out of your sight since Saturday? The look on your face during the moment of silence for the Tucson shooting victims spoke volumes to me. You look grimly terrified in the pictures. You look like a woman who is willing to throw herself in front of a bullet aimed at her man or her kids. You look like a woman who thinks you will someday have to…
