Yesterday, I read this little gem from Sarah Palin in the Washington Post. “In my opinion any mandate coming from government is not a good thing,” Palin told reporters outside Bunker Hill in Massachusetts, the latest stop on her whirlwind bus tour up the east coast that began on Sunday. She sure covered a lot [...]

Loot a liquor store. Point and laugh at left-behind Fred Phelps. Sadly ponder all the missed opportunities to follow Kirk Cameron’s advice about salvation. Three words: Coed. Naked. Twister. Learn to use sulfur fumes in molecular gastronomy. Party at the Playboy Mansion! Drinks of Hef! Grab all the stuff from a Rapture-d Extreme Couponer’s stockpile. [...]

Double Stuf Oreos with milk Ben and Jerry’s Chubby Hubby Fries from Thrashers in Rehoboth Beach, DE Fries from In’n’Out Burger Fries from Five Guys The tiramisu I got in Florence in 2003 Chef Boy Ar Dee Ravioli Wegman’s chocolate sheet cake Maine lobster, particularly the claws Cheese Western, all the way from the Texas [...]

My cousin had that same wedding dress! Did you get it at David’s one-day sale? Where are the couple registered? Hello, Mr. Trump. We’re so glad you could come. Did anyone remember to call the paper to place the wedding announcement? Welcome to the family, Katherine. I hope you’re as happy as William’s mother and [...]

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I have two posts today. This one, with a lot of my favorite local things listed. And another one that’s a totally snotty list of things I wish I could say when tourists are particularly rude or clueless. That one is password protected because the last time I wrote a tongue-in-cheek post about tourists, I [...]

Just because I bought something from you once and gave you my email, doesn’t mean we’re besties. Stop sending me stuff! Friday is tax day. I’ll be paying mine. Will you? Charging the same amount for a t-shirt as you did last year is only a bargain if you didn’t change the fabric to something [...]

People talking on cell phones behind the wheel. The fact that Target recently had racks and racks of tutu dresses for toddler girls but no windbreakers for toddler boys. ATM fees. Ticketmaster fees, especially for printing out my own tickets on my own printer with my own ink and paper. Perfectly good chocolate being spoiled [...]

Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt America: A Guide to Democracy Inaction by the Daily Show writers Bitter is the New Black by Jen Lancaster (all of her books really) Autobiography of an Execution by David R. Dow The Paper Bag Princess by Robert N. Munsch Bergdorf Blondes by Plum Sykes Why Not Me by Al [...]

Do you need to poop? Don’t bite your coat. Couches aren’t for jumping. Don’t lick the window of the Metro. Don’t lick the counter at Johnny Rockets. Don’t lick the playground. Don’t lick the snot off your face, let Mommy wipe your nose. Are you sure you don’t need to poop? We don’t play football [...]