I Don’t Admire the Duggars
I’m going to come right out and say it: I DON’T approve of the Duggars. I don’t mean I disapprove of their choice to have their 20th child. That’s on them and I don’t care much about it. What I disapprove of is some of the fundamental tenets of their religion and their decision to put their kids on tv.
When I hear people defending the Duggars the two arguments I most often hear are that they are raising their kids with good values and that they’re debt free and not asking anyone else to take care of them or their children. Well, I’m not sure either of those things are perfectly true.
Let’s start with the values. They’re pretty cagey about the specifics of their faith, except to say that they believe that all children are a blessing from their god. They are said to be part of the “Quiverfull” movement wherein couples do not use any kind of birth control and allow their god to decide how many children they should have. Awesome. Fine. But one of the theological rationales for this is to raise up a large population of Christian fundamentalists and potentially over-power non-believers. Quiverfull families also tend to believe in patriarchal headship, wherein the husband holds all authority in a family and wives and children are to submit to him at all times. Often, Christian patriarchy adherents are blatantly political and advocate for Christan-based policy-making and run for public office in order to institute Christian-based laws. Jim Bob Duggar actually held statewide office and ran for the US Senate. I don’t know his actual motivations but I would not be surprised if they were more missionary than civic minded.
Because part of this brand of extreme Christian fundamentalism has a sort of separatist inclination, many of these families live without government assistance and also live debt free. But they do it by living in poverty. The Duggars were living in a small three-bedroom home when their tv show started, if you’ll recall. Quiverfull families also often tend to homeschool and use religious-based curricula that are heavy on scripture but light on academics. And I’m pretty sure that girls get truly substandard educations because they are being trained to be submissive wives, not independent thinkers.
So, in my opinion, the values of the Duggars are not good. They repress women and girls, reject science and intellectual achievement, and may be proponents of Christian theocratic rule.
As for their financial situation and their debt-free, pay-their-own-way lifestyle, that’s bullshit. They’re not paying their own way. You’re paying it by watching their show. They probably get paid in the neighborhood of $50,000 per episode and that’s how they afford their house, their cars, their fancy trips that people like us can’t afford, and their 19 children. They get money from TLC who gets it from advertisers who get it from you because you watch the show and buy their products. So in essence, the Duggars have asked America to pay for their choices and America, at least indirectly, is ponying up. Yes, they were self-sufficient before the show but it was a shoestring existence, not idyllic in the least. Their level of comfort is coming from their tv show.
Finally, I don’t think putting kids on tv is ever a good idea. I especially dislike the practice of putting kids on reality tv. And I super-duper hate it when parents profit off kids being on tv. Reality tv is especially bad because the contract is with the family, not with each member of the family as an individual performer. It’s a non-union contract so none of the kids are offered the protections a child actor who is a member of the Screen Actors Guild would get, such as their salary being held in trust until their 18th birthday, limited working hours, standards for working conditions, educators on-set, and access to group health insurance and other benefits.
Instead, a reality tv family is paid as a unit and the kids work on the schedule the adults set up with the network. In this case, it probably means that Jim Bob gets paid and manages the money as the Biblical head of the family. Whether or not he’s saving any of that money for the kids to have later is not known. Maybe he is. But more likely the family is living off the profits. Which means, in my thinking, that Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar are using their kids to pay their bills. That’s just as bad at Dina Lohan listing herself as “manager” and taking a cut when her infant daughters started modeling and later making movies. The Duggars make a living off their kids, because without their kids there would be no tv show.
Now, I am not disputing the rights of the Duggars to practice religious extremism or make a living off their children. They are well within their rights to do all of it. But I don’t admire them for it and I’m not going to co-sign their decisions by watching their show. I know I should probably stop watching Sister Wives for all the same reasons I listed about the Duggars, especially as their kids take on a bigger and bigger part of the show, but for now I’m allowing myself that one lapse in my disapproval of reality families. You can call me a hypocrite for it if you want. I accept that label in this case.
For more on the Quiverfull movement, I recommend the book Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement by Kathryn Joyce and the website No Longer Quivering, written by female former Quiverfull adherents.
Very well done. I couldn’t have said any of it better than you could and did.
Something about the name Jim Bob bugs me, like red necked closed minded and hick ish and naming the kids with the first letter the same, yech.
It’s sad that you along with many other Americans have become so hateful of Christians. Do you personally know the Duggars? How can you base what you think on someone you don’t know. How can it be wrong to raise children with good morals? I know families that only have 2 children and have raised them terribly. And so what if they are hickish? I mean, they are from the South. Southern Christians does not equal ignorance. I’m thankful we live in a country where you are entitled to your opinion and they are entitled to standing up for what they believe in. The only difference, they seem to want to build people up, while you seem to want to tear people down.
I pretty much agree with most of what you said. Except that I’d say, as a Christian who has been to Seminary, has family members who homeschool, and a family member with 8 kids, I’d like to point out that what I can glean from the Duggars’ faith is that it’s some sort of pseudo-cult offshoot of Christianity. Unfortunately, modern “fundamental” Christianity is often so far removed from historical Christianity. It is law based, whereas I’d argue that actual Christian is about grace & relationships. And I also disdain the whole “Christians should be ignorant of the world” BS that gets floated around, taking Biblical truths out of context. Historically, the Church has led the world in academics. Sure, we killed Galileo, but for large portions of time monasteries were houses of learning. And there are still ” fundamentally” sound Xians who are brilliant–Eric MeTaxes, Tim Keller, to name a few.
I also disagree with the whole kids on TV thing. Ok, no, I agree with that. But I write ad nauseum about my kids & spouse & life as a transracial adoptive family, not because I want a pat on the back. I write because I believe my story might encourage others to faithfully step out of their comfort zone and adopt. Yeah, I have an agenda. It’s to bring some of the 147 million orphans into loving homes & to pray for, clothe, and feed those who will grow up in institutions.
@Lenette Sparacino (@mommysparrow) – I would suggest that you reread what she wrote.
I know her personally and she’s not anti-christian at all.
I tend to agree with your assumption that the girls are not going to make out very well in terms of education and independence (I have never watched the show). That is in the light of my own values of course–but I value critical thinking, self confidence, reason, self determination as well as moral responsibility, charitable actions, altruism and compassion. I believe in God (not that you asked); I have trouble with religions that attempt to quell free thought and the role of strong women.
I think EJ Phillips said it best towards the end. This disapproval of children on TV that comes from my Mom bloggers is laughable! We do that exact same thing. The stories of boogers, poop & tantrums are what drives our traffic. We make money off it too (in some cases) not nearly as much as the Duggars do but we make money just the same by telling stories & sharing photos of our families. Look at Dooce, Pioneer Woman. So that as one of your arguments to disprove of them is incredibly weak.
As for your point on their religious beliefs I actually agree with you there. I come from a Christian background that was really only one step away from the Duggars. It does make me sad when I hear the producers ask the kids questions about why they don’t do certain things & the answers are just rehearsed. I remember all of that. I remember not really being able to tell you the difference courting & dating & why I didn’t listen to secular music.
I also was homeschooled because of my parents (and churches) fear that we would be corrupted by the world. I think home schooling on its on is a noble thing, but if you are doing it to shelter your children you are doing them a great disservice.
Yes, their religious beliefs are extreme, but they are theirs & I try to remember how it felt to be so sure of something at one point in my life. I will say though in reference to the girls vs boys mentality they have had a few episodes where the boys stayed home & cooked to learn to do “woman work” & the girls went with their Dad & changed tires & oil. The girls can also lay down tile! They seem to try to do a good job of exposing them to both sides of “gender roles”
(I did blog my thoughts on the Duggers today to. Is it ok to post the link? http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/blogspot/Baic/~3/nu_dkz7Gk8I/)
Alexandria makes an interesting point about blogging. You may have noticed that my child actually makes very few appearances on this blog. He used to show up more but I’ve moved more into opinion writing over the past year. That’s partly because I prefer doing that and partly because I don’t want to write anything that my son’s future friends could read and use to tease him.
As for other mom bloggers, there is a difference between this and reality tv. Mom bloggers retain creative control and can pull the plug at any moment. Many mom bloggers talk about discussing their posts with older children and letting the kids have a say in what gets published. And finally there’s a world of difference between 500 words of copy and a few photos and 30 minutes of heavily edited tv footage designed to draw maximum eyes.
I think the rise of reality tv and the rise in blogging are interrelated. What the ethics of each are, ultimately are personal decisions. My personal decision is to keep my child off my blog for the most part and (usually) avert my eyes when other parents put their kids on tv. Others will choose differently.
I think there is also a big difference between writing about your children and making them WORK in television. It’s more than just being intrusive, and I don’t know many mom bloggers who make their kids do four hour photo shoots for their blogs.
As for the Christian values thing, I am right there with you.
Its awful – and I have put in your comments before that I won’t watch TLC any more because of Sister Wives, the Duggars, Sarah Palin’s Alaska, Toddlers and Tiarra’s etc. And I am sad about it because I would love to continue to watch What Not To Wear and the new show I saw advertised….All American Muslim. True, that is a reality show – but I would like to see how these Muslim’s portray themselves.
Bravo! I didn’t get any sense of you being “hateful” of Christians. You just point out some of the conflicting messages some of them send. Which is a good thing!
I am not sorry I gave up watching reality TV this year. I just wish reality TV wasn’t now news! Aren’t their better things to report about than a 20th child?! War? Financial hardship?
Keep up the great work! I look forward to every post!
I disagree completely. We have 3 children, 2 of whom were surprises. We have a limited income. We’re active in our church. And I still think we’re good parents. As to the argument about us paying their salary: welcome to America. The CEO of any grocery chain? We pay his salary by shopping there. Any paid blogger or author? We pay their salary by reading their mumblings. It’s how the economy works. We do or buy something, someone gets paid for it. They chose TV. Like hundreds and hundreds of other people in the TV business. And I can think of, and have personally survived, far worse life experiences than a large family, a TV show, and Christianity.
You’re article is a bit presumptuous. First of all, who are you to question anyone else’s religious beliefs? They’re not hurting you, nor are they infringing upon anyone’s rights. Their beliefs are Christian; they don’t preach hate. What if someone decided that being a Jew was no good because those poor children don’t get to experience bacon. It’s not like the Duggars are hurting their children by denying them medical treatment.
Secondly, what business is it of yours if TLC wants to pay the Duggars $50,000 per episode or $5 million per episode? It’s not your money. These aren’t tax dollars collected from you and redistributed to the Duggars; they’re private sector dollars. If you don’t want to fuel the beast, don’t tune in.
Finally, you’re assuming you know what the Duggars are doing with their money. You don’t. And it’s not really your business. And we all know what happens when we ass-u-me….
ha, ha, this makes me laugh because all I think of when I hear their name is those poor children, she does not have time to raise the children because she keeps having another one! So her children raise the babies. I also think this practice is dangerous to her health and to the babies health, enough is enough, stop the madness. And no I would never watch the show, it would make me throw up in my mouth.
Thank you everyone for writing “Duggars” and not “Duggar’s”
Just dropped by to say “I agree,” especially with the values issues. Yes, these people are basically moral folk, but I have grave concerns about raising girls with so little independence, whether it happens in the U.S. on teevee or in Afghanistan in a village. Furthermore, one can raise a “Christian army” by adopting children instead of populating the earth with more blood kin (not that I advocate for a Christian army either). It is a selfish lifestyle. Their choice, no question, but I don’t have to like it or watch it.
Wow! I don’t always agree with you, but I always enjoy reading your posts and respect your opinions for what they are-opinions. This post comes across as extremely judgemental and you don’t even have your facts right. And who’s to say a shoestring existence (actually they owned commercial property, a small business, and leased some land to a cell company for a tower prior to the show) is not ideal? How materialistic. If needs are being met and there is love then those kids are luckier than many with all their material things. And the comparison of public assistance to revenue from a tv show? Huh? Just wow.
That’s a whole lot of opinion and very little actual knowledge. And just to point out, your explanation of their money earning, IS the definition of capitalism. The public sees a need, a corporation (or in this case family) fills that need then gets paid for it. Imagine that. And I thank God for the fact that no matter who disapproves or disagrees with me, I am free to worship and express that worship any way I chose, just as you’re free to disagree or disapprove.
Very well said. I don’t agree with your second point of living debt free–we all make our money because someone else does something. If I didn’t buy a car, then factory workers in the plants wouldn’t be needed and the accounts that work for GM wouldn’t be employed–for example. But everything else, I agree with.
[...] of the other reasons I’m bothered by their announcement are written about in a post at Mom-In-A-Million. Here’s a few excerpts from it: . So, in my opinion, the values of the Duggars are not good. [...]
Hi. I appreciate the way you gave your opinion without attaching negative emotions to it- as it seems there are many in our country that feel absolute hate for this family. I disagree with your opinion and find the family to be sweet, but that’s neither here nor there. I just wanted to let you know that I remember somewhere- either in one of their books (yes, I’ve read both, out of curiousity over how they make it all work with that many kids while I struggle with my one!) or on an episode Jim Bob blatantly stating that they are not a part of the Quiverful movement. Also, Michelle recently stated (on the season finale) that while they have “home church”- church services at home with a variety of other local families each Sunday- the services are of the Baptist denomination and are an extension of a local Baptist church they attended in the past. So, maybe that can help you answer some of your questions about what their specific religious beliefs are.
Thanks for sharing your opinion.
I watch their show and see Jim Bob treat his wife with respect and love and I see their children love one another and seem very happy. As to your comments about their religion, pointing out everything you view as a flaw and disservice to women I will follow your blog with great anticipation of your review of the new Muslim show where you dive into the restrictions placed on women in so many areas. By the way, whether intending to or not, you do come off as anti-christian, but your Muslim post should clarify to all that you’re just advocating for women. I look forward to it!
My views are actually more extreme than yours, because I don’t fundamentally think it’s responsible to have 20 children.
It’s not.
There are 7 billion people in the world. It is irresponsible to have 20 children. I don’t care if you can pay for them. That doesn’t matter. What matters is a planet that is groaning under the weight of the resource drain, the waste and an inadequate social infrastructure.
Is it your right? Sure it is. And I’d fight any legislation that tried to regulate your right to have any ridiculous amount of children you want. I don’t believe in legislating reproductive choice in any way.
But there are plenty of things that aren’t illegal that are wrong.
Bringing 20 humans into this world is one of them.
The comments are more entertaining to me than the post.
I mean I don’t always agree with you…you know that whole differing of political beliefs thing….but I find it extreme when people come to tell you you’re wrong for your opinion. You can’t tell someone the way they feel is wrong. If you feel it’s wrong because of x, y & z….ok. Does it affect me in any way that you feel this way? No. Does it affect them? No. Does it affect the Duggars? No.
So I laugh at all the people that came over to comment to tell you YOU WERE WRONG ON THE INTERNETS! I mean come on people.
And I’d like to say who are any of us to question anything if you can’t question someone’s political/religious beliefs? UM WE ARE FREE THINKING HUMANS. It is how we decide what we agree/disagree with. It is how we change our views, or solidify our stance.
Again, these comments….ell oh ell.
Today they talked about the feminist movement on Today with Kathy Lee and Hoda. The guests were discussing the issues that still continue to plague women even after all the achievements made. One highlighted was a women’s reproductive rights and the biases still surrounding this issue as a whole. I not only felt this for myself when I was asked three separate times during my dr visits with my 3rd pregnancy if I was going to be tying my tubes and if not what birth control would I be using after I had my baby. And it is present today not only in your post but many others. What happened to a women’s right to choose, or does that only go for choosing to terminate a pregnancy? I think we have to carefully reflect on judgement towards women who chose to reproduce, especially as a woman to another woman.
Hey. I always laugh when I read your post. I do, I really really do. You have a great way of talking about current events with a twist of humor that hits me right. This post made me giggle but also made me realize that peoples opinions are just that, opinions. And some of these opionions don’t come with facts.
I’ve known the Duggars for close to 13 years and they are fabulous people, a tad odd, but still fabulous. Yes, they lived in a 3bedroom home when the show started, but they were almost finished building their home when TLC approached them. A home that they saved money for and built using their own hands and sweat (I know this because there were times my family helped). Yes, they lived modestly and without the fanciest/newest things, they still do, but its just who they are. The show does allow them to experience some amazing things and I know they are grateful (and I’m a tad jealous). Michelle is a fabulous mother who teaches her children amazing morals and how to be wonderful citizens in our community. I grew up with the same morals and homeschool values as the Duggars and I think I turned out pretty well. We used faith based curriculum that was also academically strong. All of my siblings (2sisters and a brother) and myself attended state universities (where I graduated with highest honors), we all work out of the home (in amazing jobs), are fabulous parents, and although our husbands are the head of the house every decision is made as a couple.
I didn’t mean for this post to be so long, I just wanted to say thank you for reminding me that opinions are just that, opinions. And that I need to remember that when reading what people have to say about anything going on in our country from politics to ladies having 20 kids.
(side note: I’d rather die than have 20 kids, heck with my 2 year old throwing fits I have a hard time wanting a second child at times)
Here you all are judging others because of their lifestyle…I do not see them coming into your home and forcing you to watch their show. Remember in the Binke is talks about judging others so take a big look inthe mirror next time you decide to feel like ranting.
I am skeptical when ppl say they know the Duggars especially if it is always vague. Any one can read their book and various articles on the internet and make these comments. By ‘sweat’ you mean the kids helped build it. Look how much was saved on labor. the Duggars do not buy used anymore. If you read the post, the lived modesty but the show helped elevate their lifestyle. Recoveringgrace.org paints another picture of growing up Fundamentalist under Bill Gothard and ATI. It isn’t so rosy as ppl thinks.
“I know families that only have 2 children and have raised them terribly. ” Excuse me but I loathe these types of generalizations. How you get raised is not reliant on family size. It is just that families of two are the norm and the % of larger families is smaller.
Unfortunately for you it does call women to be submissive to their husbands and children obedient to their parents. It also calls for the Man or head of the household to lead their family and that is what Jim bob does and he does it well. I understand you may not like how they live and how the MAN is head of the household but from my point of view his kids are raised right through faith and their behavior is against the norm of violence sex and disobedience from children raised in single parent homes wallowed with debt and without fathers. It is easy to judge someone without knowing them or truly understanding their faith, it is very difficult to look inward at your own faults and allow GOD to heal you of them.